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Lord, Undo me

Most readers of this page know I have been a widow for three and half years, now.  It’s been a hard journey for me to be a single mom and business owner.  I’ve found that working through grief takes much longer than I ever expected.

About two years after Duane’s death I hit a wall and fell apart and could barely keep going.

What I learned in this journey is that I couldn’t keep doing the “right” thing under sheer willpower.  I had become lonely, cynical, and perhaps too religious.  I was out of steam, out of power, exhausted and discouraged.

Being at the end of my rope with disappointments in this life helped me to start to really see that the love of God is enough.

Literally God had to undo me.   I can say, now I am glad!  Because God is really good.

ReachingtoGodWhen I heard the words of the prayer (below) this morning on K-love radio, it touched me deeply and I wanted to share the words with everyone because it so beautifully states what I could not put in words.

Please read on:

Lord Undo Me

I  I don’t really worship these days
I don’t really stand up to praise you with songs
Or prayers or actions
or with anything
I am full of all the right moves
I am full of all the right words
I am full of all the right religion
But it is all just illusion
I am really
Lonely
Lost
Calloused
Jaded
Cynical
Too religious
Too realistic
and well really just to lazy
to worship you anymore
I have lost my first love
I have lost the joy of your presence
But most of all I have lost the fear of your glory

Father I need to see you again
Like Isaiah I want to stand in awe of your glory
To fall down at your feet
To come face to face with your
Perfection,
Radiance,
Goodness,
Holiness,
Awesomeness
I want to stand before you and see you for who you are
and me for who I am
I want to be undone

I want to know me for who I really am
I want to see the depths of my heart
And know that you are the only way
You are the only truth
You are the only life
I want to see me and understand
What it really must have taken for you to
Love me
Care for me
See me
Speak to me
Want me
Communicate with me
Die for me
Die for me
Die for me

Lord, I want to stand in that place where all I can see is your glory
And my sin
Because in that place I can’t help but worship you.
Lord let me come undone
Undo my heart
Lord, undo my heart break down these walls that I love so much
No, wait don’t,
I’m scared I don’t know if I can handle this don’t
But I can’t live this way anymore
I can’t stand here in this half-life
this going through the motions life
this not really alive life
Father, I need you so come in and do what you must
Cut out the tumor on my heart
Break down the walls that I love
Lord let me come undone
Undo my heart
Let me worship you again

*Blake Williams

I hope you are blessed.  The words of this page come from JD Chandler’s blog page at K-Love.

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1 comment to Lord, Undo me

  • Pat

    Wow!
    Thank you so much for posting this powerful testimony, and then these words.
    I AM THERE, at that same place.

    When you wrote…Being at the end of my rope with disappointments in this life …
    that truly spoke to the condition of my soul today. The author of that prose touched a nerve when he wrote this…But most of all I have lost the fear of your glory
    I know that for me today…If I were to stand in the presence of God this moment…I would stand there in this condition full of disappointments and having no fear (reverence or awe) …I would truly be UN-done.

    Thank you again for sharing this…my heart is full after reading your much needed words. I need the insight and exhortation. Thank you!

    Pat

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